Why my toddler wants something then doesn't want it

Toddlers may show a behavior where they initially want something and then immediately say no due to their developing sense of autonomy and emerging preferences. As toddlers begin to develop their own likes and dislikes, their desires can change frequently. They may initially request or show interest in something but then realize it's not aligned with their current mood. Toddlers' emotions can fluctuate rapidly, and their desires may change accordingly. They might express a strong desire for something in one moment but quickly shift their emotional state.

They're curious and want to explore a few things

Kids are always curious and want to discover new things. That's why they sometimes say "no" and other times say "yes". When they say "no," it means they want to do things their own way and try to see what they can and cannot do. But when they say "yes," it means they're excited to try something new and learn.

For example, they might say "no" to eating vegetables they don't like but say "yes" to joining a fun club or trying a new game.

Their preferences change frequently

Little kids like to try different things, and what they like or don't like can change a lot. They might say "no" to certain foods one day, but the next day they might want to eat them. They might say "no" to wearing a certain shirt, but later say "yes" and want to wear it.

Toddlers often change their minds and preferences because they are still figuring out what they like and what makes them happy. It's part of growing up.

Toddlers test their boundaries and assert their independence

Toddlers test their boundaries and assert their independence by wanting to do things on their own.

For example, a toddler might insist on pouring their own drink, even if it gets a little messy. They want to show they can do it by themselves. It's important to support them in safe ways, like giving them a small cup, so they can learn and grow in their independence.

They may have trouble communicating their desires

Toddlers often struggle to express what they want because they are still learning how to communicate effectively. For instance, they might point, cry, or use simple words to express their desires. If a toddler wants a cookie, they might point to the cookie jar or say "cookie" in a cute, but unclear way.

It's important for adults to be patient and understanding, trying to figure out what the toddler needs or wants based on their gestures and limited vocabulary.

Their emotions can change rapidly

Toddlers can experience rapid changes in their emotions. One moment they may be happy and laughing, and the next moment they might suddenly become sad or angry.

For example, a toddler may be happily playing with their toys, but if they accidentally drop one, they might burst into tears or get upset. These quick shifts in emotions are normal for toddlers as they are still learning to understand and manage their feelings.

Also read: Authoritative parenting style to raise mentally healthy child

As a parent, here's what you can do when your toddler wants something but then changes their mind.

🏵️ Stay calm and patient- Stay relaxed and understanding when this happens. It's normal for toddlers to change their minds.

🏵️ Give choices- Let your toddler make choices whenever possible. This helps them feel independent and in control. For example, if they don't want a snack they asked for, offer another option they might prefer.

🏵️ Understand their feelings- Show that you understand and accept your toddler's feelings. Let them know it's okay to change their mind and that their opinions matter.

🏵️ Pay attention and learn- Notice if there are specific things that make your toddler change their mind. Understanding their triggers can help you respond better in the future.

🏵️ Distract or offer alternatives- If your toddler rejects something, try offering a different activity or toy that they might find interesting. Redirecting their attention can help.

🏵️ Help them communicate- Teach your toddler simple words or signs to express their desires. This can reduce frustration and improve communication.

🏵️ Keep things consistent- Establish consistent routines and rules to give your toddler a sense of stability. This can reduce the likelihood of sudden changes in preferences.

🏵️ Teach empathy- Show your toddler how to understand and care for others' feelings. Help them see that everyone has their own choices and preference.

keep in mind Robert Heinlein's golden rule of family life. "Kindness and courtesy are even more important between husbands and wives, and parents and children, than between total strangers".